Movie Review – True Grit

I enjoy how the True Grit poster identifies in bold three famous actors, none of whom are the main character of the movie. Three men, one woman. Three well known, high caliber, award winning actors and one complete unknown girl who happens to be the main character. Hailee Steinfeld plays the annoyingly promiscuous and determined 14-year old Mattie Ross in the Coen brothers remake of True Grit, a Western story of one girls revenge and an old man’s revival.

In 1969 the original film adaptation of Charles Portis’s novel, True Grit,  won John Wayne an Oscar in 1969. Jeff Bridges plays the John Wayne character of Rooster Cogburn, a hard drinking, gruff but comical,  US Marshal that Mattie hires to hunt down Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin), the man that killed her father. Matt Damon joins Bridges and Steinfeld as the dandy Texas Ranger LaBoeuf, who is after Chaney for killing a Texas State Senator.

To watch this movie you’d think that Western’s weren’t kind of passe in modern movie making. But how can you not like a movie that makes Matt Damon dress up like Davy Crockett minus the coon skin cap.  LaBoeuf takes himself to seriously as a cowboy and Texas ranger, and that is the only way Matt Damon could ever play a cowboy in a serious movie.

Although, this really isn’t a serious movie as much as it is a violent dramedy. The violence and the comedy kind of dot the otherwise serious story, taking you through peaks of extreme violence whose tension is relieved by some quality dry and dark humor.

To see what I mean watch the following clip…

wait wait…I mean this.

I am kind of addicting to Straight No Chasers Twelve Days of Christmas…does that make me gay?

Clearly, by the recent posts by Pale Thunderette I am in fact not gay. I did not go see Burlesque with her, that is why she wrote the review. But I can’t stop listening to Straight No Chasers Twelve Days of Christmas.

After my tweet yesterday, some people questioned  to the nature of my sexual preference. All I have  to say is how is it considered “gay” for a short white kid to listen to ten well dressed men sing christmas tunes?

When I write it out like that I feel like Tobias from Arrested Development, but I’ll repress that feeling and move on.

I mean come on, us straight guys need to retain some aspect of show tunes to call our own and I think it should be a capella music god damnit.  I mean girls love it, and if you want to get with girls you need to either do something they like/admire or be kind of an asshole.

Sure the latter is easier and potentially more fun, but the former is statement of courage. It’s not only about the tuxedo’s and the music, it’s about the girls!

Yea, alright…I am going back to movie reviews, this party sucks.

Transformers 3: The Dark Side of the Moon

I don’t know about you, but I was underwhelmed by Michael Bay’s second installment of Transformers. I mean don’t get me wrong I love me some explosions on top of explosions on top of Megan Fox.  But all three of those things have something in common, they aren’t you know traditionally…good.

I’m not saying I want a gay robot persevering through the challenges of the judgmental boys-club of autobots or a “special” robot that teaches Megatron how to love. I just need a little bit of quality to hang my hat on.

Take Iron Man 2, it was a little more awesome with a boatload of quality acting. And it was enjoyable and brought the awesome. That is all I’d like to see from Transformers 3 and friends I think there is hope.

Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

It’s all about Jesus! But it’s fun anyway.

Voyage of the Dawn Treader is the 3rd of a possible 7 film installments of C.S. Lewis’ classic kid’s christian allegory, and it really isn’t all that christian. At least by comparison. The first installment, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, might as well be retitled the gospel according to Clive (Clive Staples Lewis…I’ll take useless trivia for $500 Alex).

The Christian subtext really doesn’t come through until the end of  Voyage when Aslan aka Jesus/God, voiced by Liam Neeson, makes some determinations about who is allowed to return to Narnia. It’s all very obviously a discussion about life and death and the importance of belief, chiefly illustrated by the newest character- Eustice.

The annoyingly precocious and scientific Eustace,played very strongly by Will Poulter, enters the Narnia scene as a non-believer in the fantasies of Edmund (Skandar Keynes) and Lucy (Georgie Henley).  Eustance is pulled into Narnia with his cousins’ who are called back to rescue the enslaved from an evil green mist by searching for lost lords magical swords.

Make no mistake this is a fantasy movie that has all the dragons and talking animals you’d want. Primarily Reepicheep (voiced by Simon Pegg who replaced Eddie Izzard) the gallant mouse who is all heart.

It’s a kid’s movie through and through, but that really is no excuse for some of the lame dialogue. The special effects are fandamntastic and the acting is strong, it’s just certainly film making aspects are noticeably weak. Although, I don’t think that will prevent the film from raking in some serious holiday family time cash. It’s still fun and entertaining for the whole family. And now that everybody has seen Harry Potter and the search for more money Part 1, families will be wells setup for a family trip back to the movies.

This is a  30 out of 50, on Pale Thunders new SPF scale of goodness. Strong enough for adults with kids, but you’ll get burned just as a sci-fi/fantasy fan looking for Chronicles to become the next Lord of the Rings.

Burlesque is no Glitter- Pale Thunderette

WARNING if you are a straight man just scroll down for the other reviews. Don’t let your girlfriend drag you to see this movie at any cost. Stand up!  But if she tricks you into thinking you’re going to see a sneak preview of Tron don’t worry there’s eye candy for you in this Coyote Ugly-esque film starring Cher (here’s where the gay guys come in… it’s your idol!) and Christina Aquilera (here’s your eye candy straight boys).

And for the ladies out there let me just say this movie has some of the hottest and downright sexiest well…sex scenes I’ve seen in quite a while and the main reason is the newest member of my top 5 (or as Pale Thunder would say my top 5,000)… Cam Gigandet as Aguilera’s love interest.

Aguilera (who plays Ali a small town girl tired of being a waitress, sneaking in karaoke singing sessions) blows you away with her stunning and downright breathtaking voice. I actually had goose bumps and for those of you who can remember back to high school when you first heard her sing… she’s back. And she’s not a horrendous actress to either.  Nothing like her Disney days Aguilera is sensual as a dancer, singer and love interest to my new “boyfriend,” Gigandet.

There are no real surprises here. Of course the illustrious Cher (playing the broke Burlesque bar owner Tess) has to have her moment in front of the microphone and I would say that was one of the most awkward “I’m getting older, but I was famous once so give me a solo” in a movie that I’ve ever seen.

Stanley Tucci (playing Cher’s sidekick Sean) plays the same character as he did in The Devil Wears Prada, but you know what I didn’t care he is hilarious and entertaining as usual.

This is not an Oscar-worthy movie and honestly it doesn’t have to be… its fluff… fun fluff. So take it for what it is a great chick flick.  Rent it or buy it just make sure you see it!

Black Swan not your daughter’s Swan Lake: Pale Thunderette

A bit of a disclosure for the audience this pale chick danced ballet for about 16 years and also listened to Natalie Portman’s (who plays Nina Sayer a.k.a. The Swan Queen) interview with NPR before watching this screening.

Let me also note I am a firm believer that if you want to thoroughly enjoy a movie don’t watch any trailer before you go.  I, for one, am glad I walked into the theatre believing I was going to see a nice little movie about some Hollywood chicks are trying to be ballerinas and would be witness to the director’s attempt to gross out the audience by showing a few broken toenails.  I was expecting to see some cutthroat ballet.  But this was a very miniscule part of it.

If you want to know why I thought this take a listen to the NPR interview where Portman describes getting into character and about  how she was more than just following around a ballerina for a few days. She worked at it. She lost the toenails that all ballerinas have lost. She twisted her ankle, had scabs, and even dislocated her rib. And as any ballerina would do she kept dancing.

Director Darren Aronofsky will absolutely be up for Best Director.  He did a great job making the downside to the sport, and yes it’s a sport as far as I’m concerned, while weaving a riveting story.  When the audience sees the grace of the prima ballerina what they don’t see is the struggle to be thin, to be perfect, for every leg to be straight, hair to be smooth and what all that does to your body.  Aronofsky deliberately makes the audience see, and more importantly hear, every single  foot crack and bloody toe peeling off. As a result the movie is not for the weak of heart,  or stomach.

This psychotic thriller brings you on a roller coaster of suggestions of what is really going on in the performance and in the mind of Nina.  I won’t give it away but if you enjoyed not knowing what happened in Inception that you’ll enjoy this one too.

And to close this wonderful review as the 3^rd one for Pale Thunderette I have to say there is one heated lesbian love scene between Portman and Mila Kuinis (Lily a.k.a. The Black Swan).  So what are you waiting for go see it… now.  And you’re going to have to watch it again.

Bounty Hunter: Pale Thunderette’s first review!

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler star in The Bounty Hunter. Since only intelligent viewers read this blog you may be able to deduce that this movie is about a bounty hunter (Butler) who learns that he has to nab his ex-wife (Aniston), who also happens to be running from the law. And wait for it, romance springs up again…real original.

A romantic comedy that was neither romantic nor comedic this movie did have a bright spot in the performances of Christine Baranski (currently staring in the Good Wife) and Siobham Fallon Hogan (most famously recognized as the alien’s wife in Men in Black).

If only they played a greater role in the movie perhaps I would have enjoyed it. I mean I find everything funny. I am the target audience for everything from baby commercials to chick-flicks, I’ll laugh at anything. And I barely broke into a giggle.  The bar was low and they didn’t clear it, is what I am trying to say here.

For two of the most attractive actors in Hollywood there was little to no on screen chemistry between these two.  This just goes to show you that just because your hot, doesn’t mean you can start a fire…if you know what I am saying. Although, they did the best acting they could possibly do given the bland writing given to them.

Pale Thunderette recommends you only watch this movie if you are home from your summer vacation and you are delirious with sunburn.  If you bought it, turn around right now and ask the store for your money back.

The Fighter: Wahlberg wants a statue

A soft spoken, hard working, hometown boxer overcomes his brother/trainer’s drug addiction and overbearing family to bring redemption to all those involved. That is the story of The Fighter, and it is no wonder that this movie was Mark Wahlberg’s passion project for the better part of half a decade.

Not only is the film the true story of comeback kid Micky Ward, it is set in Wahlberg’s home state of Massachusetts. With Amy Adams as Charlene, the hometown heroine with a sharp tongue and high hopes for Micky. And with cult movie star Christian “I am acting here” Bale, as the crack addicting brother, you’ve got a recipe to get yourself an oscar nomination.

A fact which will most likely lead critics to write a string of mediocre to negative reviews comparing The Fighter to Stallone’s passion project about a redemptive pugilist, Rocky.  And to be fair it is not a totally ridiculous parallel as both films are primarily about small town guys who find success through brutality and violence, but we love them because they’ve got the heart to persevere.

These stories are classically American, we love the underdog. It has been in our cultural DNA since we opened a big can of whoop ass on the British at Yorktown, after the original training montage at Valley Forge. I can just see George Washington taking a victory lap with Apollo Creed screaming “Martha!”

Anyway, The Fighter is a good movie that doesn’t deserve to be compared to Oscar winners until it has had it’s own crack at award season. Especially, given the strong performances of both Amy Adams and Christian Bale. While Adam’s did not have a ton to do in the film outside of be attractive, she does have some hilarious scenes with the trashy sisters of Wahlberg who are the best image of Lowell townies.

Bale, on the other hand, is very strong as the cracked out, former pride of Lowell boxer, older half-brother and mentor Dickie Eklund. Eklund’s claim to fame was knocking down boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard, a fact much debated in the film. Unfortunately, Wahlberg really doesn’t really show you anything that he hasn’t before despite the strong performances around him.

The real power of The Fighter is how effectively it draws you into the true story. The climatic scenes of Micky’s title shot bout are dramatic on their own, but there is the added element of not really knowing which way the fight is going to go…unless you know Ward’s story. Which I won’t ruin for those of you who haven’t heard of him, and honestly it makes the film better if you don’t.

I would say this is a film worth seeing in the theaters, for the avid movie goer. But for those of you who are luke warm, their is no harm in waiting for the DVD release. A solid 45 out of 50, on Pale Thunders new SPF scale of goodness.