The Expendables: The Ocean’s 11 of Action Heros

10 Aug

Bloood, gut and cheesy one liners, the Expendables gives you back the summer action movie. We’re not talking about the Michael “I make things Awesome” Bay explosions and racist robots kind of flick, this is a good old fashion guns and gore killing the bad-guys action movie.

Sylvester Stallone stars as Barney Ross the mercenary whose growing a heart with a lovable band of killers that comprises the “dream team” of action heroes,  including: Jason Statham (The Transporter), Jet Li (Lethal Weapon 4), Mickey Rourke (Iron Man 2), Terry Crews (that guy from all those action movies) and Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV); with appearances by the two greatest action stars – Bruce “Save the Planet” Willis and Arnold “The Govenator” Schwarzenegger. If that wasn’t enough the supporting cast includes current 4-Time and defending UFC Heavyweight Champion Randy Couture and the WWF legend Stone Cold Steve Austin. The only biceps left out of this august group of screen actors is the man, the myth the legend – Carl Weathers.

At the press showing last night the crowd hooped and hollered at each name of the opening credits, except Terry Crews. But that’s what happens when you spend your career playing “that guy”. Not the main guy, the bad guy or the funny guy, but that background guy. The audience recognizes you right away,  saying “oh it’s that guy”, but they never know your name. Tear.

The absolute great thing about this movie is that everyone knows it’s the Ocean’s 11 for action heroes, so they don’t take themselves, or the movie, to seriously. Stallone and his motley team of black clad, beret wearing, knife throwing, gun slingers basically trot around the world pulling off undo-able military jobs for money. Why are the called the Expendables? They never really explain it or delve into Stallone’s character feelings on being expendable, because everyone is too busy using giant shotguns to blow guard towers up. Just the way we like it.

It’s over the top action that is both graphic and totally ridiculous, but in a fun and entertaining fashion. The fight scenes are long but dotted with quality take downs and knocks, that keep you into the movie and not worrying about the physics of blowing a man’s whole torso backwards. Oh and it’s graphic, very graphic.

The plot, as you would expect, is really just an excuse to gather this group of actors together to kill the bad guys and it’s really not worth going over. Except to say that there is a fascist regime, a pretty girl and a small island nation desperate to be freed from tyrannical and possibly CIA funded mad man. Basically, everything you could ever want from a 90’s action movie.

Stallone wrote and directed the film, but let’s just say this wasn’t the Academy Award winning effort that he put into Rocky. The action is awesome from start to finish, and the dialogue is hammed up to satisfy audiences for there desire for campy one-liners. Example:

Dan Paine (Stone Cold Steve Austin):  Who sent you?
Barney Ross [to the bald Stone Cold]: Your hairdresser!

I mean that kind of witty banter is what separates The Expendables from Matt Damon, George Clooney and Brad Pitt’s quick paced, smart and funny Ocean’s 11; but let’s be honest if you’re looking for a quality plot and dialogue from this group, you’re in the wrong industry. This movie is about things blowing up the old fashion way, with guns and grenades. Not Transformers, or Iron Men the Expendables is about getting back to being a guys-guy and blowing something up with your hands. Like god intended it.

Written, directed and starring Sylvester Stallone. Also starring: Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews and Mickey Rourke. Millennium Films. Opens August 13th.

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5 Responses to “The Expendables: The Ocean’s 11 of Action Heros”

  1. Peter August 10, 2010 at 11:47 am #

    I don’t know why you gotta hold out on me. Why can’t I be in your movie party?

  2. Peter August 10, 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    OH BABAYYY YOU… YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEED. BUT SHE’S JUST A FRIEND, BUT YOU SAY SHE’S JUST A FRIEND.

  3. Peter August 10, 2010 at 12:12 pm #

    We made love, love like strangers, all night long, we made love. Then it happened one day, he came around the same way, you can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes. I said, “please please understand. I’m in love with anotehr man, and what he couldn’t give me, ooo, was the one little thing that you can”.

    All I wanna do is make love to you, one night of love is all we knew.

  4. Peter August 10, 2010 at 12:17 pm #

    A body like yours oughta be in jail, curves on the verge of being obscene. Move over baby, give me the keys, I’m gonna try to tame your little red love machine.

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