Earth Day Cage Match: Al Gore v. James Cameron

5 Nov

Al Gore versus James Cameron in a no holds barred cage match for defender of the Earth.  That’s how you celebrate Earth day.

“Forty years after the first Earth Day, the world is in greater peril than ever.” ! Just imagine the guy from movie trailers reading that in his dark and foreboding voice, while an image of the Earth burns in the background.  Then Al Gore appears, bearded, holding a copy of An Incontinent Truth out over his head like Moses with the Ten Commandments.

Cut to James Cameron smearing Na’vi war paint across his face while that annoying music from Avatar plays in the background. This thing sells itself.

The problem is that the tag-line for this environmentalist battle royale, isn’t as much a commercial slogan as it is the opening sentence to the Earth Day 2012 website.

That kind of dramatic language makes me thing that we’re going to need to call Bruce Willis. This thing is happening now! Somebody get Michael Bay, a spaceship and I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing on their Ipod!

There is of course, one problem. Global climate change isn’t exactly hurtling towards the planet at breakneck speed with only 48 hours to stop it. We’re talking about hundreds of years worth of data to show incremental changes in the normal ebb and flow of the Earth’s climate patterns.  The Earth isn’t in peril, it’s inching towards peril.

Basically, what I’m saying is that environmentalists aren’t wrong, they just need a new PR firm.  The green movement needs to be re-branded as the marathon that it actually is, rather than the short track race environmentalists want it to be for fundraising purposes. Re-branding the movement into a step-by-step approach to reducing our societies impact upon our climate is something I’m pretty sure that vast majority of people can get behind.

The problem is that every time James Cameron ties himself to a damn, (I think you mean dam) there is a large group of folks who just roll their eyes and ignore his point as just another fanatical environmentalist who wants to take my job at the coal mine. That guy needs his job at the coal mine to feed his lower middle class family and to pay his taxes, so he can get his government subsidized health care that won’t drop his pre-existing black lung. I’ve got the black lung pop.

The economy has begun to shift towards a focus on green energy production, but it’s going to take time. Environmentalists need to calm down and dig in for the long haul.  It’s going to take decades to build the necessary scientific infrastructure for more solar panel farms, wind turbines on sky scrapers and replace the 62 million gas powered cars on the road with renewable fuel driven hover-cars.

So how am I going to celebrate Earth Day 2012? By purchasing a drum of crude oil, and pouring it on Al Gore.

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One Response to “Earth Day Cage Match: Al Gore v. James Cameron”

  1. Chris April 22, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    Yay! One I like!

    Some great points Michael. My favorite part of all this green job/energy nonsense is the artificial success being celebrated. I read an article touting how successful the state’s green products initiative is but it COULD be more successful had the state provided more money for the effort. Seriously? You would think the need for state funding would deem a product a failure. Good products sell themselves and the sooner the environmentalists learn that the better. If green products are efficient, cost effective and durable people will buy them. To paraphrase Field of Dreams: If you build it (affordable, long lasting and durable) they will come (with their checkbooks open).

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